95% of my personality is worrying I do everything wrong and that I will inevitably be abandoned because my traumatised ass is too much and simultaneously not enough
sad and lonely. And all I want is my best friend.
I’m currently in an in between state. I’ve been in between life events for like 6 months now lmao. But during those 6 months I still had fun adventures going on, but now I’m weeks away from a huge change. I’m planning on moving to Tampa. Starting college again as USF. And finally starting my career and future. I’m excited to start classes. I’m two years into my B.S., so my classes are major specific now, to that’s really exciting. I’m going to join clubs, volunteer, maybe even lead a few initiatives. I can’t wait to meet like minded people.
While this is all very exciting, it’s also very sad. With every beginning, there is an end. Most of the things that are coming to an end are for the best. But everything that I’m leaving behind, whether it be good or bad, held some security for me. On top of that, my best friend/boyfriend lives states away. I wish we were doing life together. Obviously he is there for me emotionally, and we talk everyday. But I would love to be moving with him. Starting something new with him. Beginning my life.. with him. Down the road we will. In a way I guess I’m starting another waiting period. Waiting for a life with him.
Trying to find a way to be ok with all of it. I think I just need some stability and structure. It will come. Just need patience.
